(Before this week’s post, I just wanted to ask any writers out there who may be reading this to, please, provide me with some feedback. I haven’t written in a long time, and this blog is my avenue to practice my writing again. Thank you!)

God wants each of us to have complete dependence on Him, looking to Him alone as provider.

Every morning I trust that my alarm will sound and rouse me so that I can take care of the dogs and get ready for work. I have faith that there will be hot water in the shower. I fully believe that my car will start and get me to work. I have faith that when I arrive I will still have a job. At work I do not doubt that the electricity will work, providing my computers and test equipment with the needed power. I trust that my employer will provide me a paycheck every two weeks in exchange for the labor I’ve provided. When I sin, even grievously, I have absolute faith that if I repent and confess my sin God will forgive me. God provides for the birds of the air and the beasts of the field, even mosquitoes and other creeping things!

So why is it that I have such a difficult time believing that God will take care of my financial needs? Why is it that when I receive an unexpected bill my heart immediately goes aflutter and my mind starts spinning?

It’s not as though I’ve never seen the miraculous provision of God in my life. Countless times I have seen Him come through in unexpected ways.

I suppose that I could attribute this capacity to fear to a number of things. But when I honestly examine my heart, I believe that it all begins with idolatry. For many years I lived beyond my means. Now that I am properly prioritizing and practicing patience, and no longer look to things to fill that hole inside, I still have that remnant of idolatry to which I’ve yet to die. I realize that I do not provide for myself. It is He who provides for me; and to Him I should look.

I also think of Matthew 18:3. Jesus was teaching the disciples and set a child before them. He said that we had to be “converted and become like children,” or we “shall not enter the kingdom of heaven. (NASB)” Children are completely dependent upon their parents for everything. Unlike some creatures which face life on their own from the start, God created mankind to be helpless at birth. Why? So that we could have an example of dependence to emulate.

I have so many areas in my life that have yet to be crucified. But I know that death to self, and to trusting in self, is well worth it. At least that’s what I think.

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