I am driven.
It’s true. I have an obsessive personality and tend to throw myself into projects or hobbies without holding anything back. That has often led to burnout. That’s not to say that I lose the desire to pursue those things, but rather that I pursue until my inner motivation is depleted or until I come to realize that I don’t have what it takes to do it as well as I would like (like golf!). Then I throw myself into something else. Or sometimes I take an aspect of my pursuit and widen or narrow my focus.
A couple of years ago I decided to get into better shape at the insistence of my blood work. I needed to make some changes. I started with walking and then moved up to cycling. After I achieved a few major goals I decided to further stretch myself by trying triathlon (swim, bike, run). I achieved a major goal there and narrowed my focus to running. Currently I am training for a marathon in May.
In a lot of ways my obsession isn’t a bad thing. I am willing to try new things, and as a result I’m becoming less afraid of failure. Fear of failure has been a powerful presence in my life for a very long time, but I am making gains through my athletic endeavors, photography and, most notably, this blog. Since I committed myself to publishing every weekday I have consistently produced (There are two blots on the record when I tried to schedule posts that ended up publishing two in one day and one on the wrong day!). I won’t pretend that all of my posts have been spectacular, but I am determined to keep on. I am driven by the belief that I am doing what God wants me to do.
Yesterday I wrote about our innate desire to have clarity of vision. But drive is the thing that propels us forward when we lack said clarity. Paul said, “Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:12-14 ESV, emphasis mine). Paul was driven!
I have no idea how God will use this blog or my writing in general; I am simply convinced that He will. When I am given a moment of clarity I take hold of it for all I am worth. I write because that is currently the only direction that I have been given so far. There may be more clarity just around the next bend, or it could still be years away. But “I press on.” “One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much” (Luke 16:10 ESV).
If you find yourself struggling to continue on the path laid out before you, whether because you have grown weary or for want of clarity, I encourage you to keep “straining forward” to what lies ahead. Keep your foot on the accelerator. Do what you know to do, and keep your eyes open for the “road signs” and direction of the Holy Spirit. Be driven!